babies, and the reason i don't have one

i'm beginning to feel some pressure. who is applying this pressure? i'm not quite sure. but, i feel it, and i don't appreciate it. i don't have a baby. i don't even have a concept or thought of a baby. some people are baby people. some people feel like having children is the best, most wonderful thing they could ever in their lives do. i don't have that gene. here is the gene i do have, i have the take off for the weekend without a second thought gene. i have the spend my afternoons moving every piece of furniture in my house up and down the stairs, and six inches to the left gene. i have the drive to climb a 5.12, and hold a handstand this year. i have a river in my backyard, which i think should automatically disqualify me for children for safety reasons. i have commitment issues, i have only been with my husband for 8 years, everyday of that i have wanted to be with him. children are there, always, whether you want them to be or not. i have two dogs. i tend to be anal, controlling, and anxiety ridden, these are not good traits in a parent. i want nice things, and i have a husband and two dogs, throw a child in there and nice things will never, ever happen. i have a hard enough time getting myself, and my husband showered on a regular basis. i have just barely, finally, kind of, figured out who i am, and what i want.-- i simply do not think i will be a good parent.

kaleb, on the other hand, would be spectacular. but, since the having of the children is a two person job, and the birthing of the children falls solely on my shoulders, i decide. so, as for right now, and the near and foreseeable future, i will remain childless.
so...back off

4 years and counting

i have been married to this gorgeous hunk of man-meat for 4 years.




4 years people, that's pretty impressive in this day and age.
guess what else? i still even like him. like a lot.
--oh my gosh, so romantic, i could just throw up.--

now, i will tell you the secrets of our very successful marriage.

1. he makes fun of me...seriously all the time. whenever i'm feeling a bit hormonal, angry or in a raging mood to fight, he laughs at me. while this may seem annoying at the time, and while i want to pray mantis his head off, it makes me laugh, and laughing and yelling don't belong together.

2. we go on lots of trips together. pretty much every weekend. we've done this since the beginning, and we continue it. i like hanging out with him. crazy.

3. he does sweet and loving things for me. like taking out the garbage, bringing me coffee, making dinner, carrying me to the bathroom when i'm drunk and need to throw up.

4. i do sweet and loving things for him. i wash his underwear, and clean his car, and carry him to the bathroom when he's drunk and needs to throw up. equality is key.

5. he leads climbs, i top-rope them. this is important

6. when i really, really want to kill him and dump his body in the desert, i don't.

7. same-same for him. (this is a bigger accomplishment for him)

8. we talk, about everything. even the dark, ugliness of our personalities.

9. we balance each other. i am selfish, demanding, and a black hole of need. he is caring, laid back, and forgiving.

10. when all else fails, he is so so cute, i love him from a place deep within myself, and i need a belay.

happy anniversary husband.

so i have this dog

have you ever noticed how you can simultaneously love something, and want kill it too? of course you do. look who i'm talking too. every person who has ever been in a relationship knows this. lilly invokes both emotions in me, almost everyday, and within very short distances of each other. let me give you an example.
she hates edward cullen, now i cannot blame her for this, it's the way she shows her disdain i do not approve of. my sister and i went to the premier of twilight: breaking dawn. don't you judge me. i like my train wreck of a book, turned into a train wreck of a movie as much as the next 12 year old girl. to document this glorious time we had our picture taken with edward and jacob (lookalikes) they were creepy, and they were from byu which made them double creepy. so to make them really uncomfortable we hung all over them like crazed fans. nothing funnier than uncomfortable byu coeds. anyway, i have the picture, last night lilly decided she liked neither the lookalikes nor the picture, and shredded it into the tiniest pieces you could imagine. all except jacob who she left surprisingly unmamed. i guess edward is hated by all dogs. (twilight pun!)
i woke up to find offending picture all over my bedroom, and when i went to find and question her she looked like this.......

not guilty.

as a post script i would like to say: sorry for the bad phone pictures. my anniversary is coming up, and i have hinted heavily that i would like a new camera. we shall see.

i went to zion

and i climbed.

two years ago, k and i climbed led by sheep. it was pretty easy climbing. the view was amazing. when we came down from the climb we were sitting under a juniper that had been struck by lighting, drinking heineken, and that is when we decided that selling our house, moving into a trailer, and living on the road was a good idea. when you're in a position like that, and you don't want to go home, you make other arrangements.

i did not take pictures. i didn't stop to take document what was around me but, i did climb. i love zion in a way that is hard to explain.

i may be ready to do it all again.