follow the leader

some days it's best to let the dog lead the way.






he took me on a path i'd never been,
and it was beautiful.

some days, no matter how hard they are, how long they feel, or how wrong everything seems to go.....end like this





and everything is restored to beautiful again.

there's a trail

it begins in a jungle
bear knows where we're going, but checks on me every now and then.

the oak trees and ferns are so thick, every turn is a mystery
then, up a hill and around a corner, there's a field of flowers



but, these are wild flowers, and not for picking. i tried to bring some home, contain them in vases. they died quickly. they are not meant to be domesticated.

then, another turn, and we are high above the city.
isn't it beautiful and green?


but, bear continues to run, and i must keep up.
it seems impossible, as mountains usually are, and just beyond that field of grass and flowers, is another jungle.

bird songs, and trickling water render the ipod useless. so as we run we listen to nothing except the love songs, and i watch as bears ears flap, and keep his paws off the ground.


some mornings are quite and beautiful.
i like those mornings best.

another weekend alone

it seems this is becoming a habit.
and i don't like it one little bit.
k has gone climbing, and i must work, so alone i will be.

i like climbing.
i like camping.
i would like to go.

but, alas, i work, and until i start teaching (monday) i do not have the weekend free. so, how shall i spend this weekend? i may start tearing out my bathroom. that will teach kaleb to not leave me alone. pure destruction. ha.
or, i could plant something. but that seems productive and not at all punishing. maybe i'll just take long bike rides, and find someone to climb with. maybe, i will be slovenly and watch movies and eat popcorn and cupcakes all weekend.

whatever i do, whatever i choose, i will be alone in doing it.
maybe this is not something to announce on the world-wide-web.
i will also be setting up a burglar alarm, and this time i will use water.
beware.

it's the little things

when i wake, and drink my coffee, and browse all my favorite blogs, it's the little things that make me smile in the morning, things that are all mine.



my porch plants growing in very little light, yet still reaching for the sun. someday, they will be beautiful and mighty plants.
the corner of our yard my mister made his very own. grill, pad, river, a manly place to cook.
bikes waiting and ready to be ridden. we let them look outside during the night, so they don't feel so cooped up.
and the boobie-trap k put in front of the door. we (i) lost our house key, and this is his version of a burglar alarm. i feel like it needs a bucket of water to drop down on the thieves head.

good morning.
i hope your day started with a smile as well.

some new things

as i sit, and stare at the walls and windows of the gym, and outside it is beautiful and sunny, and i am alone, i wonder.....
that is all. i simply wonder about things, and stuff and think about all i must do, and about how little i actually want to do it. and how desperate i am for a cupcake
next week i will be surrounded by 20 yes 20 small children, who will look at me, and wait for me to teach them how to climb, teach them how to tie knots, and i hope i can maintain my enthusiasm and sanity, and really in the end, control their feet and hands and energy.
i'm terrified.
right now i just want to wander the hillside, do yoga (really just shavasna), go through shops, dig in the garden, and eat cupcakes (that right plural)
but, i'm stuck in an empty climbing gym with no ambition to climb, and a feeling of self-pity brewing deep inside of me.
i am a sad little soul.
with no reason to be sad.

i know you all lie

so, i've been reading a lot of home make-over/re-do blogs lately, and i've decided (along with the help of my sister) that you people are full or it. or have a serious crack addiction. let me give you a little sample of the writing on these blogs "i am a mother of two WONDERFUL twin boys and one FANTASTIC girl, wife of the GREATEST husband in the universe, and i LOVE LOVE decorating, remodeling, cooking and generally making others gag. now, let me show you how i've remodeled my 5000 sqft home on a very tight budget"

right.

follow up with before pictures of a giant seemingly fine space, and after pictures of the "vintage" remodel for only $1000. everything straight from the pottery barn catalog.
then of course they all have pictures of their fantastic husbands doing much of the manual labor, and smiling like goons for the camera.

let me tell you, i'm not buying what you're selling.

i have a husband, he is generally fine (ok more than fine, but i don't want to sound like them) and whenever he has ever done any projects, he is not smiling. mostly he is swearing, asking where i put his hammer, and threatening to throw the whole thing into the river.
i think this is more realistic.

i am also childless. so i don't have a real sense of how people with kids are. but, i know people with kids, i even have a sister who has twins, and let me tell ya, while her twins are napping she is not reupholstering a chair. she is taking giant breaths of quiet air, and telling herself she will survive. (just wait until they're teenagers!)

so, ladies, with your picture perfect families, and your pottery barn mini mansions, (and your hard core crack addiction) have a wonderful time re-doing what has already been done. i am going climbing.

and just for good measure, here is my bedroom, now, you can all have nightmares about how un-vintage it is.


and yes, that is a dog bed and toy on my floor. gasp.

editors note: this realization has not stopped me from browsing these blogs, it has simply made me not feel bad about my lack of creative luster, and redecoration ambition.

i am still here

it seems i haven't been doing much of anything lately.
it's the weather.
no. that's not really true, we have been getting out, it just hasn't been interesting, or blog worthy. i am not one of those blogists who takes beautiful pictures of the rainy sidewalk, or my bike spokes, and writes lovely verse about my feelings. I have neither the patience nor the feelings for such things. i am not that self-reflective.
if i were to take pictures, they would be of the spouse ducks that live in the river behind my house. or of the rain dripping down the leaves, or of myself riding like the wind on my new bicycle. but, i do not. i should. but i do not.
i also don't write about how the wind feels running through my hair, or the rain on my face as i squint and find my way home.

different blogs i guess.

we did get out for a moment the other day. between rain storms we climbed. we spent the night in our tent, and listened to the storm roll over us.
we've hike among the flowers and moss on the mountainside, and let bear run like a wild thing through the tall tall grass.










we watched (and cried a little) as our sweet baby niece graduated preschool.



we planted a garden. note: moss grows best by the creek-side.

so, while i do not write about my feelings, and i do not take pictures, i do have them, and i will try to be better.

post scriptus: i am dying for fresh peas. i will drive to the end of the earth. please, tell me, where are the peas.