i still buy shoes

some days, i think the person i've become, and the person i once was, would never recognize each other.
if i came across my 18 year old self, in a coffee shop, i would probably laugh. the hair, the make-up, the clothes, the chatter i would undoubtedly be chattering with my girlfriend. i would take my coffee, and be a bit surprised that her eyes were the same blue, but there is where the similarities would end.
i was always told, warned in a way, that i would change in my twenties.
why have i never (ever) listened to anyone?
i changed.

i settled down a bit. i connected myself with reality. i think that may be the biggest change of all, the connection with the world around me. the realization that i am not the be all end all.
i think some of that came in alaska. have i told you about alaska? someday i will.
i changed a little moving to portland, living on my own without a cent.
a little when i came home and moved back and forth from different apartments, dingy and gray, to the wide open spaces of alaska.
then i jumped into adulthood, bought a house, got a job, and irrigated my lawn every 5 days.
and, as you know, that didn't work out, so i dumped the house, dumped all the furniture and traveled in a trailer.

now, my hair is longer, and close to my head. my face is clean and void of make-up. my body even changed. turning from that skinny pre-adulthood blossom, into a stronger, tighter, more capable thing.
i am less self-conscious.
i am less selfish.
i am less jaded.
my coffee is stronger.
as are my convictions.

but,
i still love shoes.
only now, instead of heels
they have sticky rubber on the bottom.